Yes! Yer gonna poke around in the shadows aren’t you? :D

You caught me lurking! Honestly, I don’t really know. I read thru all the post for all 3 weeks and my first thought was wow how brave these ladies are, I could never do that. And of course then I had to ask, well why can’t you? Honestly, I’m not sure I can do this without professional help. So many times I’ve tried to journal on these exact subjects and I often hit a brick wall with such a direct and honest approach. I want more than anything to be honest with myself but when it comes to this type of thing ”dark, tricksy and shady” often allows a few glimpses of truth…..or am I just fooling myself. Agh! See, this feels too big and too difficult for me. I’m great at guiding other to finding this path but like a teenager standing at the gate of cemetery on a Saturday night, I’m too scared to go in lol. So I will lurk and feel envious and admire your bravery and accomplishments from the sidelines.

Well here’s a shortcut if you’re interested… just look at people who irritate you and determine what it is that’s irritating. Generally speaking THAT’S an aspect you’re holding captive in your shadows. It’s kind of like saying, ”If I won’t let myself do that, then you can’t either!”

Suzanne is right – If someone annoys you, they are showing to you an aspect of yourself that you don’t like. You need to look at them from a place of love and work out what they are trying to teach you. Sounds so easy, lol!

And admit that I’m not perfect? The scandal of it all lol. Isn’t it amazing how it’s so easy to deal with and acknowledge some faults or deficiencies and others are the big secret in the closet or the ignored elephant in the room. @Nicole yes you are sooo right, it does sound so easy but la la la it’s NOT!

LOL c’mon where’s your zeal sister? I can be rather irritating. Would you like me to provoke you for a test run??? I guarantee, this will make it EASY! :D

Yeah, and don’t forget, Suzanne has a sword! But I’ll put in a plug for working with a practitioner or 3. It is probably best I did not fully know what I was getting into when I embarked on this journey–it’s been, shall we say, intense. And I could not have done all the work I have without therapists, psychiatrist, naturopath, and energy work practitioner Michele Mayama (who jumpstarted this whole process with me). And actually, HG has been huge for me, too. It is just too much to go into without some sort of support–whatever that looks like for you.

Yes, it helps to have some kind of support network, a mentor or spiritual practice to fall back on, or to give you that push when things get tough.

@Sharon yes I agree with working with a team. I know myself well enough to realize that while I may be able to reach certain epiphanies by myself, there are some that are rooted too close the spine as it were, for me to successfully extract them on my own. It can be the same way when I get massage done and someone comes too close to one particular emotional cyst that I have. When the person is working on it I can actually feel the personality involve with the area and to be honest it’s a little frightening because I can feel that the cyst is not afraid of being obliterated by the therapist. There is the feeling like some WWF wrestler of ”bring it on, there’s no one stronger than me” lol. But as I tell my clients we are all a ”work in progress” I have made so much progress in my life both physically, emotionally and spiritually but there is always more to work on.

The infinite onion–layers on layers….so does the fearless cyst then get obliterated?

@Sharon no not that one yet although I have been fortunate to work through others. This one is an on-going project lol. It was formed when I was very young and didn’t have a lot of language to tell my parents what happened to me at the time. I think that is why it’s more difficult to describe. So many people are running around with these issues in their bodies. They are often the reason behind unrelieved pain, it can be the place that is so ticklish you want to hit someone if they touch you there, it can be what keeps from a certain activity because you know it will hurt. The body is always so fascinating. And you are so right-its like an onion. You may think you have gotten to the last layer, only to discover more.

That’s interesting, what you’re saying about how the body manifests or ”talks”. I/we forget to listen….As for ongoing projects, I have a few of those. I have a tendency towards impatience, but I try to practice patience with myself. Ha! I actually typed ”practice impatience” before I caught myself. I wonder which one is more true?

I’m a great believer in Freudian slips lol. I remember hearing once that if you had a friend that treated you as badly as you treat yourself, you wouldn’t be friends with person. Where is the balance between self-love and self-respect and raving megalomania? I think most of us are our harshest critics and the balance lies with allowing that critic to give constructive criticism but slamming the door once the mean self-destructive things start to spill out. But when we are talking about ”things” stuck in the body, we have to put on our raincoats and wellies and be know that its going to get messy. I can honestly say it can be a lot more fun delving and clearing the mysteries of who we are and what we’re made of than being disciplined about keeping the space cleared afterwards. Reminds me a lot of housework-boring! Unless you can remind yourself to get Zen with it and learn to love and be present with all the pieces that make up the mundane task.

You are my kind of housekeeper! I like to do it when I want to do it–in random bursts…..And I just came across this: ”Accepting who we really are may be the hardest thing any of us actually do in this process of transformation…the voices/thoughts that deny, trash, or fight with your true nature are not true or real….what is Real relaxes and opens us to more presence, not less.” From an old email from Michele (Mayama) that I happened across recently, and a great reminder.

Before going to sleep last night, I tuned in to myself as I often do before bed, and was surprised as tears welled up and I could feel the little girl inside me and her abandonment pain. When had I abandoned her that day? It was a busy, active, pleasant day, but more outward focused than inward, and perhaps she just needed to know that I’m here and ready to listen. Except when I forget. Another thing Michele said to me recently was, if all there was was respect and acknowledgment of what is Real, that would be enough. Practice, it’s all a practice.

@Sharon What you’ve said here is the truth, the truth and nothing but the truth. I am really loving all the wisdom that everyone has been sharing with me here & I really want to learn more about Michele’s work. You are such a teacher and source of sunny inspiration, Sharon. I’m so glad I met you here!

Likewise, and thank you for your kind words! And I am looking forward to your pink tutu article which I haven’t gotten to yet. As for Michele, she is…boy, what to say? She’s just her, no strings attached, and she’s rock solid…she does mentoring with healing practitioners, and you can work with her via phone, for personal work and possibly mentoring (I’m not sure about the mentoring).

@mayama . (Just learned that trick!)

She’s got a new grandbaby. She’s not gonna notice that for three weeks ;-)

Just practicing. Remember, it’s all a practice.

LOL! Grandbabies are great! Enjoy!